Dilemma

I am in a dilemma
Of choosing to be a full time or part time student
Of choosing study or working

Yes
At the beginning
I already have a nice decision
Being a full time master student
When i surrender to the reality of world
Which really hard to get a nice job
In this economy crisis
In a disappointment of give up
To wait for the offer
To call for the interview
In all sorts of disappointment
I receive the call
Which i wait for such a long time
But yet
Now
I feel no excited
I feel no happy
To hear that
I've been told that i've been offer a one year contract job as Corporate Development Officer, salary RM1500 to RM 1700, with benefit for transportation (if needed) and medical benefits

Why????
When i already decide to become a full time part time student and i'm in a confidence of there are 2 good lecturers recommend and be my referee
When i am already disappointed in waiting the day to call me for interview
When i am already disappointed when i've been asked not to accept others' offer but keep wait for them to call for interview
When my future seems so bright with my decision that i will be a full time master student in the next one and a half year
When i thought that everything has been settled down
When i already pass up my master studies application form
When i start to dream about plan about what am i going to do in my thesis
When i have my planning in my mind!!!

And here comes the job waiting for me...
RM1700 in maximum...
For me to bare my education expenses, transport, shelter, F&B, petrol, medical supplements...
And of course after deducting EPF, SOCSO,PTPTN...

Now everything in my mind become so messy
Running here and there without direction
What am i suppose to do
What am i can do
What am i need to do
And What am i MUST do

I dunno...
I dunno...
I really dunno...
I need to give them an ASAP answer by this Friday
Whether to let them keep a place for me
Of give the chance to others
I just know
I need some time
To think very very very deeply about it

And i know
I am very very very down now
Please let my mind to have more space to think
I need some space to breath....................



end
[1.45pm @ Soc Sc Lab]